The SSM! Arcade #1: Crazy Taxi

All this talks about taxi drivers with Katanas and LTFRB cancelling both UBER and GRAB's permit to operate had us daydreaming about driving our very own PUV.

And no-no-no, not on the actual streets of the Philippines but rather on the hey-hey-hey, fictional streets of SEGA.

Enter the wild and wacky world of
Where everyone's destination of choice are limited to the ORIGINAL LEVI'S STORE, KFCPIZZA HUT and TOWER RECORDS.

As the title would suggest, the game is your not so typical taxi simulator.
Pick someone up, follow the directional arrow, drive a little bit then drop them off their desired destination.
Sound pretty simple right?
But believe me, it could get quite addictive pretty quickly.
Crazy Taxi is the FIRST and ONLY game of its kind.
And true to its promise, the game could indeed get pretty CRAZY.

But lucky for you, we're CRAAAAZY!
So here are the various modes you could try.

Arcade Mode features a more simplified version of San Francisco.
Filled with crazy jumps and equally crazy customers.
Hey, it's the girl from the cover art.

But still, our favoritest customers would still be the air chopping Oi Punks
& this Back Flipping Granny.
JesusHChrist, chill grandma!
It's only PIZZA HUT!

While Original Mode features a much complex and less enjoyable map to drive in. Hence we'd recommend Arcade over Original Mode most especially for first time players.

Crazy Box is a mode where you could hone your skills thru a series of more often than not
timed challenges involving drifting, jumping and bumping these colorful balloons.
All of which are apparently necessary skills for driving a cab! (Wut?)

The last four are pretty self-explanatory.

Our driver of choice is of course,  GUS.
Not only does he look like our good pal Noel but his license photo
kinda resembles Jean Reno from LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL.

All in all, we could compare this game to any of the earlier versions of Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

The objectives won't vary that much from mode to mode. Other than the aforementioned map. The controls are easy to master, the overall gameplay is addictive as hell and did we mention about its killer soundtrack? The original Dreamcast version contained all the necessary OFFSPRING and BAD RELIGION tracks that everyone's been ranting and raving about.

Sadly enough, our PC version contained NONE of that.
However there was one track that we really liked and considerably "our jam music" for this very game.

The game's music is such a minute & insignificant problem. For you could simply turn off the game's music and substitute your own. Like playing your favorite Pearl Jam song (on loop:highly recommended)

and everything would still be as enjoyable as ever. If not, it could only make the gameplay and overall experience even better. So,

The title is still as relevant as ever even as we enter the mobile age.

But then again, it's a mobile game so don't expect
that much from it!

So that's about it! Crazy Taxi, THE game for those that have road rage, taxi driver fetishes and
those that enjoy life in general.

Danasty Warriors

Hey you guys, I think you're missing out on one more party member.
There you go!

Ah yes, we finally saw the first four episodes of Netflix's
There were a few mixed reviews about it on Youtube. But depending a show's fate on various stranger's (at times) biased opinion could be quite questionable at best hence we just had to watch this series ourselves.And to be honest, I kinda liked it. The first and the last episode at least.

But more importantly, everyone's been commenting as to how the said squad lacks the aforementioned thief named Grant Danasty.
You know, the pirate looking bald dude.
The one who carries a dagger and has the uncanny ability to scale walls.

But I think everyone else missed out on the more OBVIOUS clues that the show had been hinting
as early as the second episode. Our very keen Vania senses kinda picked up on quite a number of them hence here were a few of our own theories.
Notice how Trevor deliberately said NASTY as opposed to maybe...UGLY?
Nasty is of course NOT a reference to the wrestling duo THE NASTY BOYS
but rather,  could be hint on the said lanky looking bald priest's last name.
A little foreshadowing if you will.

And although he might look clueless and unassuming, he actually was quite skilled with a knife.
Trevor even go as to describing the weapon as a THIEF's knife.
Hinting even more on our unnamed priest's hidden persona/profession.
The unnamed priest even spun the said knife in a very fancy manner.
Making his airtime all the more questionable.

Sure, the fight with Trevor cost him an eye (quite literally) and a leg (ok,not really!).
But he survived the said skirmish and was able to shake it off.
Not now, Taylor Swift!

Fast forward to Trevor's abduction scene.
Look at how everyone else holds their knives.
Everyone holds their knife in a "stabby"-pretending to be threatening sort of way.
Now, look at our bald priest in question.
That is clearly a fighting stance of someone who specializes in knives.
There were also very deliberate attempts to isolate the shots so that he would look nice and

And here he is again,
Again, is all this airtime really necessary for such a mere jobber character?
His knife skills were a bit more slicker this time around.
And oh, he just lost another eye.
Imagine that!

But more importantly he never died in the said encounter.
After being blinded by an arrow, he just got push aside by Trevor.
Whilst all the other priests got severed arms
(Nice pose, Trevor!)
and were killed by either spears or arrows.

And you could argue all you want as to how the bald priest looks nothing like the Grant from the NES version of things.
(Courtesy of : https://www.gamingrebellion.com/2016/02/amazing-life-lessons-from-the-belmont-clan/ )
Well no shit, so does everyone else!
The main characters alone looks NOTHING like how they were supposed to be.
Assassin's Creed-ish.
Definitely "Symphony" inspired.
The only design they got right was that of Sypha.
And God forbid we get THIS version of Alucard again!
And have you ever heard about disguises?
The priest costume is probably a front for his thief or pirate life.
And quite frankly, a few bandages and a bad priest costume wouldn't be the weirdest look this character had to go through.

Remember this?

So there you go. All four of them had made an appearance in the first season alone. Although we could say Grant's appearance was a little more subtle and cryptic than the rest.
So, not now, Grant Morrison!
You too, Amy Grant!

All in all, the episodes were kinda nice despite what everyone else had to say about it.
The comedic aspects were nicely inserted as well.
They definitely were able to pull off the whole Cowboy Bebop thing they were originally hoping for. The views and opinions about religion does strike a chord.
I guess most organized (or disorganized) religion had it coming then.
And every priest and clergymen does look like a fat person's butt.
Which is quite fitting since most of them were assholes anyways.
The short but memorable exchange between Lisa and Dracula was also a nice touch.
Although predictable, I've always been a sucker for the whole "Friendly Monster" gimmick.

The bar room fight scene were a bit sluggish but both the Cyclops and Alucard scenes were OK.
And I understand how most fans might felt like the show was deliberately disregardeding the source material. For writing a story about a game could be quite difficult hence some (if not most)elements might be lost in the said translation.

But we would have preferred a more famous boss characters rather than the ones we did get.
So instead of this Cyclops,
we should've gotten Balore instead.
Or better yet Medusa.
This scene that sort of resembles a Clock Tower, 
would've appealed more to the hardcore Vania fans with the inclusion of either Harpies
or Medusa Heads.
(Courtesy of: http://strangegaming.blogspot.com/2013/10/castlevania-house-that-dracula-built.html)
And instead of these things,
( Which we could only assume were Gargoyles 
from Aria Of Sorrow, and a slightly decomposing Warg (Anfauglir)
from Symphony Of The Night)
they should've went with these things instead.
Although probably not as intimidating though.

The show left us off at a cliffhanger. A very ONE PIECE-ish
thing to do but that's that, I guess?

Hopefully there would be more episodes for Season 2!
So here's to Trevor And The Gang!

And to you too, Bald Priest in question!