10/6/15

Astral Dreadnought

Had recently (ok, not so recently. It was recent 4 months ago.) purchased THIS:

It basically is your typical Plug and Play TV Game.
But instead of having just 1 or 2 games, it boastfully offers 30 games in 1.
Similar to bootlegged or pirated carts for the beloved NES console, Obviously 30 in 1 sounds like
a sweet deal in itself. More games for your buck! But how many of these games are really
worth your while.

Let's fire this baby up and figure it out ourselves.
(Other title selection screens/game screenshots weren't photographed due the camera dying up on us.)
11. Bounce
12. Resistant
13. Combata
14. Ku Ku Land
15. Aether 2
16. Assart
17. UFO Race
18. Cobra Of Sky
19. Bandits
20. Highway Racing

21. Surface Fire
22. Spar
23. Star
24. Coin Tetris
25. Rescue Kuck
26. Exfrome
27. Conqueror
28. Bitha
29. Conte Energy
30. Ropewalker

The controller does feel a bit weird with it being wheel shaped and all.
It runs on 3 AA" batteries.
And with this being the console itself, it has it's own reset/menu button.
And due to the av cable missing one connector, you'd be enjoying most of your games in silence. We're not sure if this problem only exist with our console or was this indeed a manufacturer's flaw.
The D-Pad has that elevated joystick feel which actually is quite ergonomic
as it is responsive to your command. On the other hand, only two of the push buttons actually
works and in most games, two is the most you'd ever need. It could've benefited even
further with the inclusion of a Turbo button but what the hey,
that takes care of the hardware aspect of this review.

Now we're not gonna go all Action 52 and review this AVGN style.
We're just showing you previews of the the entire game.
Kinda like how gaming magazines works back in the good ol' days.
More in-depth reviews would be given to titles that offer a somewhat unique gameplay or more
than just a speed-up or palette swap version of the previous stage.

First up is 2.
And no, it has little to nothing to do with BUGS BUNNY.
It's basically is  BATTLE CITY with bugs...
Well, for one thing the background is really colorful and you really don't have to defend
anything other than yourself. We never really got pass level 1 and we're guessing it's the same
all throughout.

So moving right along with...3.
Wherein you play as a yellow ball trying to avoid all the sundae robots and spinning cloverleafs
while trying to find the right platform to deliver you to the next level.

It plays rather similar to the Silph Co. stage in POKEMON. It's part memorization and part luck again, we never really got pass the first stage. And again we were too lazy to even try. Reset...

4.
is you typical space shooter.
Uhm, boring!

5. Burrow Explorer does have it's own unique concept but was ultimately too difficult for us to finish.
You play as an explorer trying to navigate through a dark cave while trying to avoid...for what
we could only assume are tiny viruses. There's a moral lesson in there, somewhere!

8.
is your standard SOKOBAN clone.
A game where in you push a bunch of boxes using as less moves as possible.
This was actually quite enjoyable and the difficulty level does increase significantly
as you progress.
This game reminded us so much of Solomon's Club (Gameboy) that we wish we were playing that game instead.
Ah, imma download that said game later on! Thank you, gaming memory from the 90's!

9.
is actually the first good game from the console. In it, you play as a well...an ARCHER.
Trying to shoot down spiked naval mines as they fall down from these two alternating gargoyle
bellies while trying to avoid raindrops and random owls/hawks/birds.
The stage layout is basically the same as you progress. It only does appear to be
harder due to the increasing random shit they throw at you along the way. But this was indeed
the first GOOD game we played pass the first stage.

10.
is basically a less colorful version of TWINBEE.
TwinBee without having the option of having a player 2. Sans the enjoyability and
the ability to touch hands hence increasing your firepower along the way.

11. Bounce is not the NES version of that really addictive Nokia game.
Although we wish we were playing that game instead.
But this Bounce is basically MAPPY sans the titular mouse character.
In it, you're this kid ninja being chased around by blue oompa loompas.
You still open doors, collect items and bounce (hence the title) around on trampolines.
That's that

12.
Despite the title screen having that very CONTRA look.
it is actually the first clone title from the series. It's basically 6's. Garden War with a plane shooter twist.
And instead of bugs you shoot down enemy planes. The barrier option works better on this title but
everything else is identical.
13.
is a game where in you're a combat ready bata (kid) or ninja(nanaman????) and you square off
against Chinese guardian lions. You have your trusty ninja stars but the jumping mechanics
is  god awful and has that tendency to work whenever it feels like it.
You don't exactly progress but you do get to kill a few of the lions that eventually
gets in your way. And that's basically it!
14.
is actually a fun game where in you're a red fish/blob trying to create
coin patterns while trying to avoid the sink in the middle and spikey amoeba balls.
You also have that option to swing around using your crab claw.

15.
Aether 2 errrr just Aether is a hybrid game where there are portions you wait for enemy planes and
other parts where in the game plays similarly to BOMBERMAN.
The stage switching occurs after finishing off a predetermined number of enemy planes then entering a vortex to the said
Bomberman inspired stages. The Bomberman stages were the highlight of the game and it switches back and forth up until you eventually grew tired of it.

16.
despite the hilarious title, this is actually a strategy game for farmers.
And oh, it doesn't really have a title screen. It lets you ASSART right away!
You walk around, plant rice and blow up mountains. You are able to blow up
three mountains at a given time. Plant your crops properly then receive this
really generic congratulatory message to advance to the next level.
17.
is your 8-bit version of F-ZERO.
It does play and resemble an Atari game but not as fun. And you eventually end up feeling frustrated
after being unable to race pass any of your competitors.
18. Cobra of sky is a plane simulator game(I guess???). With controls that are apparently way too
difficult for anyone to comprehend. It's either the game we got doesn't work or we really just suck at it.
Our plane never really leaves the battleship and worst of all, there aren't any COBRAS to face off
with. So that's that!

19.
is Donkey Kong 3 with the colors all inverted. You still get to bug spray the poor ape in the butt.
But instead of playing as Stanley the bugman, you play as a frikk'n can of bug spray/cannon.
And for that they get an extra E+ for effort.

20.
is ROAD FIGHTER with big and brightly colored cars. Is a bit more enjoyable than UFO Race but it still
ain't no Rock n' Roll Racing/Battle Cars.
Or at the very least BUMP N' JUMP.

21.Surface Fire is your typical CENTIPEDE/MILIPEDE clone.

22.
Coin Tetris or W(???) is simply tetris with color coordinated bricks.
The actual title for this game was Jewel Tetris.

23.
is URBAN CHAMPION with furries.
Uhm, yeah!

24.
has nothing to do with stars and to make matters worst, the lead dragon character travels at dizzying speed
hence making the game totally unplayable.
25.
Despite the title sounding a lot like a porn movie involving Cuckolds.
Rescue Cuck is basically DONKEY KONG 2/DONKEY KONG JR. for the NES.
Consistent with the other sprite edits on other games, the lead character is yet again another ninja.
An ape ninja to be exact and instead of rescuing Donkey Kong you end up saving a humongous devil baby
from the clutches of what looks to be another ape with giant feet.
There are four stages in total
and the only game that actually offers a decent ending.
This was our favorite game and THE game to play out of the 30 games!

26.
yet another space shooter...how original!
27.
&
30.
are the two stages from CIRCUS CHARLIE. Despite the title screen using the rather iconic
Arkanoid font, it had nothing to do with conquering. Although Ropewalker was a bit more accurate as you
actually DO get to walk on a tight rope. Conqueror replaces your beloved lion with a dolphin,
all the stationary flames with sharks while the ring of flames are now
indigo colored ring of flames.
Ropewalker replaces all of the crawling monkey with giant fuzzy Kirby like creatures.
28.
is NOT your typical investigative and public service show hosted by the great Ben Tulfo.
But rather POOYAN with, yup...NINJAS!
The game offers brief in game cutscenes before and after every levels ala Pacman.
And the objective of the every level is to knock down as many of them teenage crocodiles that are trying to
takeover your apartment/ collectively drop a boulder on your head.You shoot them down with your trusty bow and arrow (and a times, what appears to be a corn on the cob) while your other bros. hoist you up and down with a hydraulic winch.
Again, one of the more recommended titles out of the 30 in 1.

And last but not the least is
29.
Yeah, nakakapagod talaga tong review na to. Conte na lang din talaga ang Energy ko.
is your typical LODE RUNNER clone with yep, you've guessed it...NINJAS!
I guess the running theme out of the 30 games were ninjas. Either that or the programmers just weren't creative enough with their sprite edits.

Either way, that's that! All 30 of 'em!
6 recommended titles out of the 24 steaming pile of junk.
Our job here is done!
Zzzzz.....

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